League of Legends: the Parody
by samsquared
Summary: Yes! A parody of LoL. If you're into violence, hilarity, mild themes, and stuff of that nature, read this!
1. Chapter 1

In the land of Runeterra, an organization was founded to save the planet from war. It was the League of Legends. Now, a great darkness as arisen, and the league must journey to stop it. Well, except for a few…

You see, the League split into 6 groups. 5 went to battle, and one stayed to guard the Institute of War Headquarters, where there seems to be a significantly small amount of men…

"Hmph!" said Corki, the daring bombardier. "I can't believe it. Over half of the League of Legends batting the darkness, and they leave we little amount of men here!" He, Ezreal the prodigal explorer, and Gangplank, the saltwater scourge were sitting in the IoWHQ living room. Tryndamere and Teemo were around somewhere.

"Yup," said Ezreal. "Just us men, and the rest are either women or neither."

"Who's neither?" asked Gangplank.

"Kog'Maw," replied Ezreal. "You know, the fat jerk who—" His sentence was cut short by a huge mouth inhaling him in one chomp. A small burp escaped Kog'Maw as he patted his stomach contentedly.

"Ezreal," exclaimed Corki, and he fired his missile launcher into Kog'Maw's stomach. Ezreal shot out of Kog'Maw's mouth, already half digested, making him a very gruesome sight.

"Hey, at least it's not as bad as Trundle's disease," said Ezreal. Then he collapsed in to a pile of quivering meat.

"Um, I think it's a safe bet that that's way worse than what Trundle has," said Gangplank.

"Hey, pizza's here," said Tryndamere, the barbarian king, as he walked in. "Hey Ezreal," he said to the pile of mutilated flesh. "Here you go." He tossed a slice into the disgusting mess, and suddenly, Ezreal was a good as new. "See you guys later."

"You know," said Gangplank. "I actually kinda like it here, surrounded by all these ladies. I think I might just make ou—"

"Gangplank!" snapped Corki. "You can't say stuff like that. There might be kids reading this!"

"Yeah, I know," said the pirate. "Haw haw haw." He and Kog'Maw laughed their heads off.

"Oh, you're just hilarious," said Ezreal.

"Hey, Kog'Maw thinks it's funny," said Gangplank.

"Yeah, well," said Corki. "Kog'Maw's a fat jerk who—" CHOMP!

"Corki!" exclaimed Ezreal, and he fired a magic bolt into Kog'Maw's stomach. Corki shot out of Kog'Maw's mouth, already half digested, making him a very gruesome sight.

"Hey, at least it's not as bad as Trundle's disease," he said. Then he collapsed in to a pile of quivering meat.

"Um, I think it's a safe bet that that's way worse than what Trundle has," said Gangplank.

"Hey, pizza's here," said Tryndamere, the barbarian king, as he walked in. "Hey Corki," he said to the pile of mutilated flesh. "Want some pizz—" He suddenly stopped. "Gangplank," he said. "I am experiencing a strange feeling of déjà vu. What about you?"  
>"Same here," said the saltwater scourge. After an indefinable time of no dialogue and pondering how they could have possibly experienced this before, Tryndamere said, "Oh well. Here, Corki." He gave the mutilated pile of flesh a slice and Corki was as good as new. "I'm gonna find Yi."<p>

Master Yi was training. Well, that went without saying, because when Master Yi isn't beating the utter crap out of people, he's training. Usually he had a dummy to train against, but today was not one of those days. Thus he decided to practice on this door. Thus, Tryndamere walked in to see the wuju bladesman beating up a door.

"Um," said Tryndamere, feeling awkward offering pizza to a black belt in wuju beating up a door. "Want some pizza? I got cheese and pepperoni."

"No," said Yi, concentrating on his wuju door beating skills.

"Say, that's Teemo's room," said Tryndamere.

"So?" asked Yi, getting annoyed with the barbarian.

"Well, hopefully his room is empty and he and Tristana aren't having a make out session," said Tryndamere. Just then, Yi blasted the door off its hinges. And guess which to Yordles were having a make our session. No, not Teemo and Tristana. No, not Rumble and Veigar. It was Teemo and Tristana! Wait, but that means that— Never mind.

"You know I should just stop talking," said Tryndamere.

"Hmm," said Yi. "I knew it was locked for a reason."

Aaannyywwaayy…

Master Yi was so shocked by what he saw that he shrieked, grabbed two slices of pizza and hurled them at the couple at such an angle that the points embedded themselves in either Yordles' head.

"Maybe I'll find an unconscious minion to train on," said Yi casually wiping his hands on his sword and walking away. Meanwhile, Siver, Ashe and Caitlyn had spotted the um, er (ahem) dead couple.

"Aw, look at them."

"They look so cute together."

"Hold on, let me take a picture." There was a camera flash.

"Hey, um, girls," said Tryndamere.

"Hey, Tryn," said Sivir.

"Yeah, uh, can I have a copy of that photo?"

"Sure, Tryn. See you later, babe." Oh gosh. In approximately 3.6775 seconds, Tryn — sorry — Tryndamere was in the living room next to Corki, Ezreal, and Gangplank.

"That was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life," said Tryndamere.

"You are sure a brave person, Tryndamare," said Gangplank. "We were just talking about how we dislike the fact that Janna always wears her metal bikini."

"Ahem," said a voice from behind.

"Hey it's Janna," said Corki cheerfully.

"You have a problem with my metal bikini, peewater?" said Janna.

"Well, yes," said Gangplank. "Yes, I do, because, um er—"

A squirrel munched an acorn in a tree outside the IoWHQ. Everything was so peaceful. Suddenly a low rumble began. _Huh_? Thought the squirrel. Was the IoWHQ…exploding? Yikes! It was! The squirrel dashed for safety, away from the exploding building.

"Hey, Tryndamere," said Gangplank, whom Janna had wounded so badly that I cannot describe it. "Got any pizza?"

"Sorry, man. I'm out.


	2. Chapter 2

Katarina, the sinister blade, stood on a battlefield. A man in gold armor, stood in front of her. He was Garen.

"Katarina," he said. "I want you to be the love of my life." He knelt down. "Will you marry me?" Huh? That couldn't be! No! NO!

Katarina suddenly woke in her tent.

"Ugh," she groaned. "What a nightmare." Wait. Nightmare. It that was a nightmare then that meant… "NOCTURNE!"

Katarina stormed out of her tent. "Irellia," she said to her friend when she saw her. "Have you seen Nocturne?"

"No," said Irellia, the will of the blade. She turned to her levitating sword. "Have you seen him bladesy?"

"Sure," the sword said in a squeaky voice. "I saw him innocently whistling a happy tune with his hands clasped behind his back." Katarina watched with wide eyes.

"Um, Irellia? Did your sword just talk?"

"Yes," said Irellia. "I taught him how."

"Um, okay," said Katarina. "Maybe you could teach him how not to talk next, because quite frankly, he creeps me out."

"He creeps you out?" Irellia squealed. "Oh boy oh boy oh boy! Oh, I'm so proud of you, bladesy. Let's go creep Evelynn out, now." Katarina, though quite disturbed by the event she had just witnessed, she still had business to do with Nocturne. Nocturne was exactly where, er, Bladesy had said.

"Oh, hi, Katarina," said the eternal nightmare.

"Did you give me a nightmare?"

"What? Um, no…?" Katarina knew the innocent routine when she saw it.

"Are you sure?"

"Um, well, yes, actually. It was, um, well, um, oh, it was Pantheon who gave it to you, that's who!" stammered Nocturne.

"DON'T LISTEN TO HIM!" hollered Pantheon, the artisan of war. "HE'S LYING, I SWEAR! REMEMBER THE 'SIVIR'S JUSTIN BIEBER PHOTO COLLECTION' INCIDENT?"

"Oh, yeah, I remember that," remembered Katarina. Nocturne had stolen Sivir's Justin Bieber photo collection and blamed Pantheon for it, but Nasus had seen Nocturne do it so Sivir beat Nocturne with Jax's Lamppost.

"But, but—" stammered Nocturne. But it was too late.

"Okay, okay, okay. We'll make a deal. I give you no more nightmares, and you take your sword out of my chest. Deal?"

Kassadin sat on the edge of the cliff that the camp was situated on. They were the first group to battle the new dark menace. There was one thing different from this group. Kassadin knew what was coming. He was the void walker, and he had encountered things much more horrible than what they had faced in the past few days.

"Hey," said a voice behind him. It was Twisted Fate, the card master. Kassadin did not answer. "So, what's up? What's on your mind?"

"The void," replied Kassadin. "The void is filled with horrible things."

"Like what?"

"Like boobs."

"Boobs!" exclaimed Twisted Fate. "Dude, you've been through a lot." Kassadin nodded. "So all that was there was boobs?"

"Actually, no. Not all of it was that bad. I made friends with a werewolf named Cuddly."

"Hey," said Shaco. "I just made up a new joke! Wanna hear it?"

"Oh no," groaned Twisted Fate.

"I'll take that as a yes," replied the demon jester. "Why did the frying pan frying pan frying pan?"

"I'm not answering it, I'm not answering it…"

"Because frying pan frying pan frying pan frying pan frying pan frying pan! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Twisted Fate stared at him.

"I think he needs his brain checked," he said.

"By the way," said Shaco. "Did you hear about the brain? The brain was a brain the brain why brain brain brain! Ha ha ha!"

"Oh, I'm just dying of laughter," said Twisted Fate.

"Good, because that's basically the point of my existence in the first place. Oh knock kno—"

"SHUT UP!" roared Kassadin. Everyone stared.

"Um, can I tell my joke? Pleeeez?" begged Shaco.

"Ugh, whatever," said Twisted Fate.

"Okay. Knock knock!

"Gurnn (inaudible)"

"Corn"

"Nurn (mumbling)"

"Corny corn the corny corn of corny corny corn!"

"Uh oh…"

_BOOM!_

"Wow! I blew the whole cliff face off! Pretty impressive, eh?"

"Akur (unintelligible)"

"Hey Akili!"

"What, LeBlanc?"

"Doesn't it annoy you how Lee Sin is so calm and collected all the time?"

"Yeah!"

"Get Evelynn, I think I've got a way that can fix him."

Lee Sin meditated in the morning. He heightened all of his senses and he could feel the life force flowing through the world. That life force was in danger, and there would be battle today.

"Hey Lee Sin!" said a voice. Hyper and energetic. Akili. "Lee, will you come into our tent for a moment?" Without saying a word, Lee Sin mentally guided himself to the tent. Soon he was inside. Silence.

"Er, hello?

"Well?" said Akili.

"This silence disturbs me. I'm going out to meditate."

"Well, I guess it didn't work," said LeBlanc as she pulled her clothes back on.

"Yeah, well," said Evelynn. "Leave it to the politician to forget that he's the _blind monk_."


End file.
